Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Crux.y Speaks About - it doesnt fit snugly into drawers.




my mugging fren (who shalt not be named) took this shot of me while i was mugging. and there was this big guy behind laughing at me. so you see, i have been mugging. very hard. but i don't get the level of confidence that i would be able to do well for my a levels eventually. but oh well, there's still some time to that. it ought to accumulate to higher levels by then.

anyway, for the past few days, i have been throwing a mental tantrum at myself, mocking myself for my inability to pack my room neatly and study efficiently. i definitely see the need to compartmentalise my notes, and invariantly, my life too. im letting all the different aspects of my life blend together, and when they eventually end up as a terrible mess, they just disturb me so badly that i cannot piece the fragments of my broken mind back together. mugging requires a great deal of concentration, and when i introduce a foreign yet disturbing thought into my mind during that period, i'd probably go crazy trying to work out answers to both at the same time.

compartmentalising everything into small bits and parts just seem to be so impossible. when you miss some things really badly, it doesnt just go away, it gets embedded in your mind constantly, and time after time you just lapse into this dreamy and exhausted mood. i can buy boxes and spend some time to pack the notes separately into each of them, but there are no compartments in my brain, or methods that i can organise my thoughts with the roll of my eye. its just some of the nonsense that everyone has to handle. and guess i've got to cope with it, just like everyone else does.

im not disillusioned or anything. im just wondering when one will end and when the other will come. i have been working really hard. and i guess there's no giving up.
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moved along at 11:05 PM
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