Thursday, September 06, 2007

splitter: inaptitude. and rage.

words from the bottom of my heart.

dear diary,

life has been a disaster in recent weeks.

its like so bad that i wished i had truly injured my leg the other time it got sandwiched under the bike. life's really really bad. i keep doing the same old thing day in day out, getting chided for not putting enough effort, not performing when i have to, delaying everyone's time and for my inaptitude.

excuse me. do you really think i don't wanna get my ass outta the dumbass circuit into the public roads? you really think i like to stay on the plank, do the figure of eight for an avg of 3 to 4 hours straight a day, move up and down some jagged nonsense bridge? where the fuck do u get such an narrow plank on the roads and why the fuck do you have to stay on it for so long? doesn't it make more sense to just get the heck outta that precariously dangerous hazard asap? -.- unbelievable.

plz. i know ultimately everything lies in my performance. but at least show us some friggin encouragement (considering our morale as low as it can ever get, lest we continue to fail again and again) and not ask us meaningless questions like 'can you tell me when can u pass?' i'd have say ten thousand lightyears ago. bet they prob dun even realise that lightyears measure distance and not time. ass. dumbass.

not everyone is talented in every single thing u throw at them. well at least im not, and that makes me human. even my maul rat is human enough to not be able to make it for this course. (er.. wait. he's a rat but yeah dats besides the pt.) u see. if u find us horribly uncapable of completing this course, den just diss us aside and get other riders (or rec tpr for that matter). seriously i could do with a less tiresome job. but since its impossible for the upper echelons to grant us our dream jobs, den at least make the whole process LESSS FRUSTRATING. i could go crazy doing the same thing over and over again.

every single one's really demoralised. how do we lift our spirits? its not that we don't believe in ourselves, but its really difficult to go on when we don't exactly see the results that match the amount of effort we put in. maybe im just a whiner, wallowing in self-pity watnot, but its just beyond me. already. i feel i have fallen.

maybe come next test date i will muster enough self-belief to tell myself today's the day im gonna pass. but until that day comes, i cant help but lament at my plight.

its frustrating. and unbelievably tough. just break my leg.

ronald

can anyone sense my frustration? to those whose making my life as miserable as it can get, seriously. just go to hell. fuck y'all. when the chance presents itself, i wll trample on y'all flat. i swear i will make ur life much worse than you have already made mine.

im not a forgiver. i have a good memory for evil deeds upon me.

beware of my anger. what goes around comes around. and i promise no one will be spared.
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moved along at 9:39 PM
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