Saturday, December 22, 2007

splitter - course correction

i never expected to blog again. or for the series of events that happened today to happen.

no point battering myself again and again for i see no point in doing so.


things are now different, and i know they will be. seriously, i cannot expect any decent or thinking human being to just sit there and act as though nothing happened. i know the whole damn thing is so screwed up, and i can only fault myself for my inability to behave rationally. and im extremely apologetic. sorry ain't gonna save me all the time. and i dun deserve to be let off so easily.

and so now there's a new plan set in motion. and initially i was so close to feeling all tied up, worthless and useless. but eventually i noticed the feasibility of it, and i knew that had to be the best way to course correct every single of the 587261 mistakes i have made in the past few weeks. a redemption of sorts. and i guess i will work my way back up the ladder. definitely i have to raise the stakes. overcome the odds whatever. and you-know-what. for once, in a very long time, i am confident that i can do it.

no doubt there will always be apprehension and uncertainty lurking in the shadows. but i have to ignore them. i have to. this is something that cannot fail me. its the one biggest thing of my life.

suddenly everything else doesn't really matter anymore. i mean of course the usual stuff i have to be concerned about, i will definitely stick to the designated plans. but suddenly i have this epiphany. flash before my eyes. i know this is something i have to do. i feel like its meant to happen.

and this time im gonna set it right.
because how i feel doesnt change. never will.

still the apple in my eye.
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moved along at 10:06 PM
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