Sunday, December 16, 2007

splitter - the faraway curse (to-be)

its been quite a while. and well, i guess things are getting better. they improve with time, definitely. in addition, its also rather uplifting to realise that everything will probably end 364 days from now. i have spent one whole year in this service, experiencing all the surprises and mishaps along the way that the whole organisation never fail to provide from time to time. but my perception about the remaining time i have to serve, continues to fluctuate between the half-filled glass analogy. but mostly, it still remains half-empty. i guess i must learn to lift my spirits (abit).

nothing much has happened in recent times, except for the horrible cat in the bag dat some guard duty personnel pulled out ytd. apparently, kelvin and i who were both reserves for guard on 16th were activated like middle of the night (7 hours before) and either one of us had to stand in for one guy who took mc last minute and kelvin had to take the plunge, throwing me in a pool of guilt. i feel i must do something for him, but i'm still at a loss. i feel really sorry about it. and i hope he strikes 4d or something.

i still have my problems. they never run away. and im still such a horrible letdown.

the other day i was stranded in a training shed in the middle of the tekong jungle, with one other trooper - samuel pang. we were talking about a whole lot of stuff, from friends, to universities, and the entire stratum of disillusioned youths in sg. im glad im not the only one feeling this way.

you know. there's this whole scary creature thing that i feel so insecure about. and a whole lot of other issues which include the programme for next year, what's gonna happen to university admissions after ord. i hope its perfectly understandable to fear the worse, even as im trying my bestest best to fill my mind with optimistic thoughts.

maybe sometime in the future. it will be just me. one person. nothing else.

hopefully not.
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moved along at 8:32 PM
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