Thursday, July 29, 2010

ron - iron filings and magnetised steel

sometimes it's hard to deal with silence in the middle of the night when you're pretty much used to having a voice around you all the time. i wished i was a better person sometimes but people slip up, and i just happen to slip up a little more often than others (perhaps).

i seem to be repeating myself a lot whenever i promise not to make mistake A, but i end up making mistake B, and when i'm done with B i move on to C and so on and so forth. the thing is there are so many different kinds of mistake out there in the world to make, but i choose to view them such that i eliminate them little by little, knowing that each time i disappoint someone, i inch one step away from being a bad person.i hope that i'm less of a bad person, and at the same time, for everyone's patience to not wear itself out.

while speaking to a friend on a similar topic, i decided to revisit some ancient chat logs and relive certain interesting memories that shaped me into the person i am now. i feel like a different person reading about someone else, and trying my best to visualise how i was like during that time, and whatever that was going through my mind. it was a distant memory, but i still managed to be drawn to fragments and pieces of it, like iron filings onto shards of magnetised steel.

i felt trepidation, indecisiveness, excitement, sweetness all at the same time. but most of all, i was really really happy at that time, despite it being the middle of my exam period. it was the start of everything i have now, and it made me realise how much all this means to be now. i mean i do treasure what i have now, but in retrospect the value of everything seems so much higher.

i feel more cheered up after going through the chat logs and chatting with a friend, watching a few youtube videos etc. but the blackberry lying there light not flickering doesn't help the general cause.

and i don't mean to be negative and down about everything, but until a grunt comes my way i think it ain't gonna be easy to sleep in peace.

well, my just desserts.
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moved along at 3:26 AM
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